i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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