I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
