remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
