u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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