How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
