she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i think my cat just said my name.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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