1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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