We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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