Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
