You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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