I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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