Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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