My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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