I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
