Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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