It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
