My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
