Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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