Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
