I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm just crazy horny about you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
