yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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