some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
