Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
