I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
