Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
