I wish my penis had an off switch
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
