I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
