i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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