very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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