everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
