that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
