six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
