she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
