so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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