sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
