i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
