someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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