He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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