I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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