Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
