sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
