lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
