i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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