You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
