come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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