They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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