Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
