how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
