And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
