How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
