Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
